I need it to be okay

                             




I was introduced to Macklen Mayse's work when she lectured with my husband at Hunter college.  I remember seeing a video she made of trying to be literally in her work and I felt her longing, frustration and loneliness in a very palpable way.  I've since found her Youtube channel where I've found much more of her work. The video above hit me particularly hard, and even made me cry (duh. always) the first time I watched it. It speaks so well to my feelings of not being good enough, not being smart enough, not being fast enough.  Recently I have been finding myself feeling slow,  and because I have often felt very fast at some things, feeling slow is torture. I want to know things and understand things and accomplish things. ALL OF THE THINGS!! And RIGHT NOW would be nice as well.  This video is often a nice reminder to me that I have to go at my own pace; that slow can be worthwhile and meaningful.  As I watch Macklen's ventral move up and down and her voice influx and relax, I see her going through a process I notice myself going through on a regular basis: Awareness, frustration, sadness and fear, then finally acceptance. I often come back to this video when I am scared and frustrated and feel like I will never be enough.  It reminds me that life is a process, and right now is not forever.  I will be okay. It will all be okay. We will all be okay.